Shark Bytes

This show jumped when Unca Bee-yol dropped Cissy, Buffy and Jody at an orphanage and hit the road with Mr. French. The two of them traveled the US in their airbrushed van, a hamster between their "captain's chairs" endlessly spinning his little wheel as they got involved in intriguing adventure after adventure. Unca Bee-yol used his Ninja training to right wrongs, while Mr. French got it on with every lovely lady who crossed their path (Crystal Bernard and Demi Moore were just two of the lovelies who were swept off their feet by his immense charms). It was a much better show, but a completely different one than originally intended. I enjoyed it, but always wondered what on earth the producers were thinking.

What was in the mysterious "locked room" in the back of the apartment that only Uncle Bill and Mr. French had a key to? There's been rumors in the neighborhood that you can hear screams coming from the Davis apartment late at night, but Buffy and Jody will never talk about the goings-on behind those double doors.

Uncle Bill's money keeps everything hush-hush, especially scandals like Mr. French getting busted trying to sell copies of a few reels of film of Buffy, Jody, Uncle Bill and himself in a real "family affair". It's thought that Cissy may have been the camera person, but that has never been proven.

This show JTS when Mrs. Beasley came to life one night while everybody was sleeping, found a knife in the kitchen and good-bye Unca Bee-yah et al. (Mrs. Beasley was last seen traveling with Chatty Cathy and Talky Tina from Twilight Zone.)

I thought the episodes in Spain were when Buffy and Jody got lost, spend the night in a haystack together and Buffy ends up having Jody's love child. She names her baby Mrs. Beaseley, of course.

The main thing I remember about this show was that the doorknobs in the front doors of the apartment were in the middle of the doors.

Anyway, this show JTS when Uncle Bill and Mr. French lose Buffy and Jody in Spain. When they can't find them, they leave them there and return to the USA. Immigration picks them up in Spain but they escape where Buffy works as a cleaning lady at a local hotel in Madrid and Jody stays busy doing roofing work.

What if...

What if Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch had visited the Davis family instead?

It's widely believed that he made Brady Bunch JtS; would he have made Family Affair jump? My opinion is NO. He would have fit into the Davis household much more readily than he did the Brady household.

Just wondering.

This show always made me go "hmmmm...."

Two older men sharing an apartment in NYC and then suddenly three kids move in with them? The prurient possibilities are boundless.

hmmmm...

I think it jumped when they moved out of the fancy apartment and moved into an RV and journeyed through the USA singing in dive bars for cash. Mr.French had the moves though.

Was it just me, or was Cissy the most matronly teenager ever? Was it the hairdo? The polyester empire-waist dresses? Whatever it was, she looked closer to 46 than 16.

Anyhoo, Family Affair was a show much-beloved by grandmas everywhere for its cutesy-poo vision of well-scrubbed, pink-cheeked cherubs whose eyes sparkled adorably as they mispronounced Brian Keith's name: "Unca Bee-yoll!" Always funny - not "ha-ha" funny, the other kind of funny - it still holds a special place in the hearts of 50-year-old "little girls" everywhere, who to this day won't sell their tattered Mrs. Beasley doll on eBay...not for "a million, jillion dollars!"

What show could ask for a finer legacy than that?

Man- Brian Keith makes me drool -- still. The powerful pecs, the bulging biceps, the alpha-growl. That man is the sexiest ever, ever.

"Family Affair". Jesus, there is no way somebody did not know what they were doing when they gave this show that title...

The second Mr. French was NOT the same character. He was a relative of the original Mr. French. Either his brother, cousin or something like that. Therefore, he should not even be listed here.

I seriously have to wonder if out there, somewhere, there's a porno film takeoff on this show. If there's not, there should be.

The show JTS with the episode that had Jody peeping into Cissy's room while she used a plastic vibe on herself. I actually liked that scene, but it was totally out of the norm for that kind of show.

God, now that I think about it, you're right. There was no laugh track. This show was possibly the most seriously tweaked program ever to air on tv. If Tim Curry had shown up in his Frank N. Furter drag to play French in the updated version, they still couldn't've gotten any weirder than the original.